How Writing to My Dog Made Me a Man
My golden retriever passed away. He was only 5. A tumor inside of his heart ruptured.
He was – and still is – my best friend.
I didn’t handle it well.
I read a lot of books about business and psychology and real estate and personal development.
I watch documentaries.
I study quantum physics.
I study computer science and AI.
I study genetics.
I stopped all of it when Lincoln passed. I needed to stop. I needed more than slowing down.
I lost 10 pounds in 5 days. That was concerning, given how much time I dedicated to making sure I was eating enough to fuel my exercise goals (I love hypertrophy training).
After about a week of no learning, I had no idea how to move forward. I didn’t know if I cared to continue learning. I didn’t know if I cared to have any goals.
It wasn’t just about Lincoln not being around anymore – it was about the realization that losing a loved one doesn’t hurt any less because you have a nicer home in a nicer neighborhood, with nicer schools and nicer amenities. It doesn’t matter at all.
Pain isn’t influenced by excess.
There is a minimum standard of living that allows you to have “the basics” (give or take):
-house
-car
-clothes
-food
-phone
-internet
-insurance
Anything beyond that – in my opinion – is excess.
So, I started to think about what I really wanted my life to look like. And I was surprised by my thoughts and feelings.
Could I really lose all of the financial ambition I had kept at the forefront of my mind for so long?
Let’s see.
What do I really need to be happy? I know I like the idea of making enough money to be able to provide my family with a really high quality of life, on top of investing in real estate and other businesses. But,
Of all the people I’ve ever met who make more money than I do right now (strong six figures),
Are any of them really happier than I am?
No.
In fact, many of them seem to have become so comfortable with the stress that follows ambition, they’re simply being pushed by momentum to continue down the path of financial accumulation.
If I accept this as fact – that I’ve never met anyone who makes more money than me who is also happier than I am right now – then how should I move forward? What do I do now?
Seriously: what do I need, bare minimum, “to be happy”?
-I need to be able to solve problems.
-I need to be able to learn.
-I need to be able to go to the gym.
-I need to be able come home at the end of the day to a loving family.
At the time, I had all of those things.
-My business allowed me to solve problems.
-I was spending most of my free time learning.
-I was going to the gym as often as I wanted, without time restrictions.
-I had a beautiful family who loved me (at the time, but that’s for another post).
So, I lost my best friend. I was always going to miss him. I was always going to work hard to honor him through my own behavior. I was always going to be here for him. And I have been.
I write to him, every night.
I tell him about my day. I tell him what I miss about him. I tell him what I’m working on. I tell him how everyone is doing. It’s interesting:
I tell him these things in a way that allows me to process all of the strong feelings I’ve had that day. It has given me incredible insight. I grew more as a man this year than the last 10 years, combined.
And it’s because I walk my dog.
I walk Lincoln through all of my thoughts, and every emotion. And while I’m typing it all out, I often realize how irrational my initial response is. This goes for both positive and negative experiences.
I’m diagnosed
-Bipolar II
-OCD
-ADHD
-Anxiety disorder
Walking Lincoln through my experiences taught me that my initial reaction is often too large (again, either positively or negatively). This taught me something truly incredible:
Your feelings lie to you all of the time.
Your emotions only exist as long as you allow them to. They’re manufactured.
Your “gut” is wrong more often than you think. It’s a broken compass.
Your actions should always be disconnected from your feelings.
These lessons gave me – someone who spent 11 months in two different mental health rehab programs – the opportunity to do something I never thought was in the cards for me:
Build confidence.
Yes, it took me nearly 32 years to be confident, and it had nothing to do with
-my looks
-my money
-my accomplishments
I built confidence by designing my own platform – with the help of a special golden retriever – for working through every situation in every day, good or bad. A journal.
I’ve always been insecure. It’s part of the social anxiety package.
As soon as the business I co-own started bringing in enough consistent money that we could pay ourselves a little, I didn’t gain confidence.
I didn’t gain confidence when my pay tripled.
I didn’t gain confidence when my pay increased another 67%.
I didn’t gain confidence when my pay increased another 59%.